Does it really matters, such fate~

Despite the early turn in the night before, I'm still feeling like a dead log on the bed itself. The long hours of sleep many times doesn't justify for a good night sleep. I was awaken by my handphone, the call was from my military camp. Ain't surprise they do call to check on me again for I'm taking a long medical leave from an operation, it just bother me that they always called me at the wrong time, the time I'm sleeping & resting from medication...

Geez, have it occured to you at any point of time you feel like you doesn't actually belong to where you are suppose to be in? Well I do! These couples of months stuck back in the military really put the pressure on me. Friends of my age are already securing a well stable job, some lucky ones can even afford a car or even have the opportunities to travel around the world sent by their companies. While ME, captured by the inflexible fate that homeland males have to serve the national for a fix period of their life really stresses me alot, and I mean ALOT! Especially for a competitive personality I have, seeing so many successful peers each and one of them making a mark in their careers are really a sore in the eyes, and I can't denied that I'm so jealous and helpless but to face the fact of being a MALE citizen.

I'm dealing with the issues of so many things on hand; the paying off loans used to put me through university, the savings needed to start a family, the chances of finding a job after peak seasons, my aging parents health & many other more.... The last thing I pray for is not to make my life difficult in the military.

I pray HARD.............